We’re staring at stars That may be dead And I won’t hear the news ‘Till it’s all bled But if I run fast enough You will stay alive forever In a race where my speed Is all you’ve left to remember Explode into space And evacuate in my dreams Where I’ll let you practice Simulating your old flash beams Blinding bursts Of what you used to be All requirements are filled But I’m still refused to be set free “I’ll never forget you” The sun cried to all of her planets As they trudged along an orbit Of hopelessness and abandonment

Alas, I’m uncovered And pulled upward by the sun Pulled upward by the sun Anastasia, will I see you when I fall Out of late April skies or early May If the wind won’t change direction again I tower six miles away Suspended over apartments In New York City Swooping past airplanes to JFK And they’re wings slice the clouds I falter last in line for all those going down For all those going down I fear all I am is someone else’s tears They’ve been holding back with sniffles and red cheeks Until they’ve hit their peak And I come falling down Like the sky has sprung a leak over this town Nimbostratus yells at me “Hey what are you doing? You should be leaving.” “Well I can’t seem to let go. I just want to stay here till September.” He thunders me off with the last of his temper And half a minute seems like forever Of me spiraling down And two meters from the ground is the last time nothing is what I feel Until I splatter on the windshield sliding down On the windshield sliding down I fear all I am is someone else’s tears They’ve been holding back with sniffles and red cheeks Until they’ve hit their peak And I come falling down In the backseat a child stares Amused at my death And I see him press his face On the glass I’m sliding down ‘Till it’s fogged by his breath all around

If you weren’t standing in the shade You didn’t feel as if you were home You found solace when you’re shadow disappeared You felt grounded by tree roots And when you’re silhouette would stretch and fade Don’t tell the sky I’m going away But I bet she already knows I bet she already knows That I’ve dreamt of the dirt Smearing on my face until I’m part of the earth With the rest of me slipping down the back of my head Oh I’ll never spit this out Each leaf covered by the next Until I fall and swish them all away Parting down the middle like Auburn’s hair When she’d climb up on me When she was feeling bad Only when she was feeling bad Now you cling to the side of the house Like dead vines Convinced they’re still alive You’re convinced that I’m just sleeping But I’ve dreamt of the dirt Exactly how I pictured No ideals of mine besmirched She’s voiced just like a shadow Only hues of gray Screaming “Oh, I never wanna leave your crosshairs”

It’s time to say goodbye to moments we already knew where going to leave for they put on their coats, hats and stood on the doormats that permitted them to wear their shoes indoors without getting yelled at by a mother upstairs who was much to concerned with the appearance of the house for guests that would never arrive, least drive the block of this old country town inside Jumbled America where the state lines are clear and divide me from cities on the coast from suburbs dispersed like a dart board that’s filled with attempts from a drunk while we all sit on couches and watch the same things on TV and I’ll never move away cause everything is a clone and the people that you meet will be seen in a stranger you run into in Cleveland, Atlanta, or Long Beach wearing the same the shirt she wore except this one won’t have the stain from when you spilt ice cream on her when you made her laugh so hard with a joke you can’t remember for the life of you. So maybe that’s reason worth staying in the world And maybe I can live without speaking another word And maybe you’re perfect but I bet it’s just the idea And maybe I am scatterbrained and I don’t know what’s real And maybe these are the best times just hidden in disguise And maybe these are the worst ones so clear to the eye And maybe there’s a word to describe how I feel Maybe the word’s just “sad” and I exaggerate the ordeal And we all wave goodbye as they pull out of the driveway and toot on their horns once with a smile that’s as fake as a card from the pharmacy store.

(Instrumental)

I used to sleep with no better reason than It was time to go to bed Or rise with no sense of needing purpose Oh how it rained while you were sleeping The patter lullaby ambience My father used to make sand sculptures in Long Beach Island We used to spend our time on perishable things Oh how the sea would wash it away Mixing salt with art in the waves

I’m reading your book over your shoulder On the train as you fold over a page But I’m not done yet As you get off at Lafayette And I take your seat next to the sliding doors And wait for the train to approach W4 I’m thinking of ways to remember it better I wrote it down in a letter and signed it “All that you’ll ever need when you’re no longer 18.” I’m casting a glance into our mirror On the train’s reflective window And catch an eye glance from your As you peter out of view And I search for us in the stories we were told Rereading the creases of each page fold Of where we stopped to decide Why we stay right here When instead we could’ve lived inside The lines that took our breaths away And added blur to our gaze To My Lasagna, I found the book! We’re characters with no storyline.

I woke up with the stints again I dreamt if I abbreviated every word You’d still know what I meant So I only feed you samples and just give Another perfect example Nothing I make into a secret Really needs to be labeled as such so I loved you like Pangea I see where things could’ve fit But all I remember are the continents I wish things were centered back in the middle And I wish I knew you when you were little At ten I moved out of the apartment I grew up in And I couldn’t see my best friend every day You said you knew what it’s like being a lonely kid At least our lives happen when they do I owe a thank you to your childhood I loved you like the universe compressed to a speck Before any signs of movement I wish we were before things existed And I wish I knew you when you were a kid

The moon sparkled off a puddle Like fairies in the night And they all flew to where you stood They wrote of tiny loves on their fingertips And gently traced them on our lips You had such poor posture A sense of insecurity in such a confident girl They’re cutting hours at the library What will you read when the shelves start to empty I saw Autumn instilled with fairies All with chests just large enough to house a heart Were those engagement rings on their fingers Or just the pixie dust they’d emit You had such poor posture A sense of insecurity in such a confident girl They’re cutting hours at the library What will you read when the shelves start to empty

You were an ocean at low tide Retreating waves into your sea But no matter how hard You wanted to distance yourself The shoreline would stretch out to meet you And I encouraged your rising tide She sits at the top of her lighthouse Refusing to come down Until saltwater creeps up the stairs In through the slits of the doorframe Out a window she watches And looks not afraid And encourages your rising tide Like an astronaut you will latch onto the moon What space age wonder Hold your breath, we’re going under

We never see the fun side of you I thought as though I was talking too loudly So I said, “Excuse me.” And went to the restroom I just stood and ran the sink Listening to the pink noise of white running water This is not an emergency This is not so bad This is easy One year later no breath trails off Without a tally mark Or check in the right box I’ll use this as a caveat In times when I need to be reminded This is what it’s like to be alive To feel alive Every day I’ve lived has gone away Today’s like a dream that isn’t over Or a visiting ship I guess I should still plan for my old age I should pick up a second language Just incase I really need to go away Some day I could just say I’m out on vacation I am on holiday My outgoing message will say I’m out on stay I could just give living another name I could just give it another name Practice vagrancy Cause last year I would’ve called it an emergency And after reading her poetry And “Finding Ground” in Constellations I felt not weakened by the world And the view of my life from an aeroplane I thought, I thought