My Father Used to Make Sand Sculptures

by Randy's Got a Playdough Face

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about

No one really makes a record completely alone.

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released June 6, 2017

Family Vacation Records 001

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Randy's Got a Playdough Face Queens, New York

"All my love from the great beyond."
- Randy

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Track Name: A Year to Catch My Breath
We’re staring at stars
That may be dead
And I won’t hear the news
‘Till it’s all bled
But if I run fast enough
You will stay alive forever
In a race where my speed
Is all you’ve left to remember Explode into space
And evacuate in my dreams Where I’ll let you practice Simulating your old flash beams Blinding bursts
Of what you used to be
All requirements are filled
But I’m still refused to be set free
“I’ll never forget you”
The sun cried to all of her planets As they trudged along an orbit
Of hopelessness and abandonment
Track Name: Expo: 1
Alas, I’m uncovered
And pulled upward by the sun
Pulled upward by the sun

Anastasia, will I see you when I fall
Out of late April skies or early May
If the wind won’t change direction again
I tower six miles away
Suspended over apartments
In New York City
Swooping past airplanes to JFK

And they’re wings slice the clouds
I falter last in line for all those going down
For all those going down

I fear all I am is someone else’s tears
They’ve been holding back with sniffles and red cheeks
Until they’ve hit their peak
And I come falling down
Like the sky has sprung a leak over this town

Nimbostratus yells at me
“Hey what are you doing?
You should be leaving.”
“Well I can’t seem to let go.
I just want to stay here till September.”
He thunders me off with the last of his temper
And half a minute seems like forever
Of me spiraling down
And two meters from the ground is the last time nothing is what I feel
Until I splatter on the windshield sliding down
On the windshield sliding down

I fear all I am is someone else’s tears
They’ve been holding back with sniffles and red cheeks
Until they’ve hit their peak
And I come falling down
In the backseat a child stares
Amused at my death
And I see him press his face
On the glass I’m sliding down
‘Till it’s fogged by his breath all around
Track Name: I've Dreamt of the Dirt
If you weren’t standing in the shade
You didn’t feel as if you were home
You found solace when you’re shadow disappeared
You felt grounded by tree roots
And when you’re silhouette would stretch and fade

Don’t tell the sky I’m going away
But I bet she already knows
I bet she already knows
That I’ve dreamt of the dirt
Smearing on my face until I’m part of the earth

With the rest of me slipping down the back of my head
Oh I’ll never spit this out

Each leaf covered by the next
Until I fall and swish them all away
Parting down the middle like Auburn’s hair
When she’d climb up on me
When she was feeling bad
Only when she was feeling bad

Now you cling to the side of the house
Like dead vines
Convinced they’re still alive
You’re convinced that I’m just sleeping
But I’ve dreamt of the dirt
Exactly how I pictured
No ideals of mine besmirched

She’s voiced just like a shadow
Only hues of gray
Screaming
“Oh, I never wanna leave your crosshairs”
Track Name: Jumbled America
It’s time to say goodbye to moments we already knew where going to leave for they put on their coats, hats and stood on the doormats that permitted them to wear their shoes indoors without getting yelled at by a mother upstairs who was much to concerned with the appearance of the house for guests that would never arrive, least drive the block of this old country town inside Jumbled America where the state lines are clear and divide me from cities on the coast from suburbs dispersed like a dart board that’s filled with attempts from a drunk while we all sit on couches and watch the same things on TV and I’ll never move away cause everything is a clone and the people that you meet will be seen in a stranger you run into in Cleveland, Atlanta, or Long Beach wearing the same the shirt she wore except this one won’t have the stain from when you spilt ice cream on her when you made her laugh so hard with a joke you can’t remember for the life of you.

So maybe that’s reason worth staying in the world
And maybe I can live without speaking another word
And maybe you’re perfect but I bet it’s just the idea
And maybe I am scatterbrained and I don’t know what’s real
And maybe these are the best times just hidden in disguise
And maybe these are the worst ones so clear to the eye
And maybe there’s a word to describe how I feel
Maybe the word’s just “sad” and I exaggerate the ordeal

And we all wave goodbye as they pull out of the driveway and toot on their horns once with a smile that’s as fake as a card from the pharmacy store.
Track Name: You Can Just Go to Sleep...
(Instrumental)
Track Name: ...And Do It All Again Tomorrow
I used to sleep with no better reason than
It was time to go to bed
Or rise with no sense of needing purpose

Oh how it rained while you were sleeping
The patter lullaby ambience

My father used to make sand sculptures in Long Beach Island
We used to spend our time on perishable things

Oh how the sea would wash it away
Mixing salt with art in the waves
Track Name: To My Lasagna
I’m reading your book over your shoulder
On the train as you fold over a page
But I’m not done yet
As you get off at Lafayette
And I take your seat next to the sliding doors
And wait for the train to approach W4
I’m thinking of ways to remember it better
I wrote it down in a letter and signed it
“All that you’ll ever need when you’re no longer 18.”

I’m casting a glance into our mirror
On the train’s reflective window
And catch an eye glance from your
As you peter out of view
And I search for us in the stories we were told
Rereading the creases of each page fold
Of where we stopped to decide
Why we stay right here
When instead we could’ve lived inside
The lines that took our breaths away
And added blur to our gaze

To My Lasagna,
I found the book!
We’re characters with no storyline.
Track Name: I Wish I Knew You When You Were a Kid
I woke up with the stints again
I dreamt if I abbreviated every word
You’d still know what I meant
So I only feed you samples and just give
Another perfect example

Nothing I make into a secret
Really needs to be labeled as such so

I loved you like Pangea
I see where things could’ve fit
But all I remember are the continents
I wish things were centered back in the middle
And I wish I knew you when you were little

At ten I moved out of the apartment I grew up in
And I couldn’t see my best friend every day
You said you knew what it’s like being a lonely kid

At least our lives happen when they do
I owe a thank you to your childhood

I loved you like the universe compressed to a speck
Before any signs of movement
I wish we were before things existed
And I wish I knew you when you were a kid
Track Name: The Day Tim Wakefield Retired From Baseball
The moon sparkled off a puddle
Like fairies in the night
And they all flew to where you stood
They wrote of tiny loves on their fingertips
And gently traced them on our lips

You had such poor posture
A sense of insecurity in such a confident girl
They’re cutting hours at the library
What will you read when the shelves start to empty

I saw Autumn instilled with fairies
All with chests just large enough to house a heart
Were those engagement rings on their fingers
Or just the pixie dust they’d emit

You had such poor posture
A sense of insecurity in such a confident girl
They’re cutting hours at the library
What will you read when the shelves start to empty
Track Name: Personality Disorders
You were an ocean at low tide
Retreating waves into your sea
But no matter how hard
You wanted to distance yourself
The shoreline would stretch out to meet you
And I encouraged your rising tide

She sits at the top of her lighthouse
Refusing to come down
Until saltwater creeps up the stairs
In through the slits of the doorframe
Out a window she watches
And looks not afraid
And encourages your rising tide

Like an astronaut you will latch onto the moon
What space age wonder
Hold your breath, we’re going under
Track Name: One Year Later
We never see the fun side of you
I thought as though I was talking too loudly
So I said, “Excuse me.”
And went to the restroom
I just stood and ran the sink
Listening to the pink noise of white running water

This is not an emergency
This is not so bad
This is easy

One year later no breath trails off
Without a tally mark
Or check in the right box
I’ll use this as a caveat
In times when I need to be reminded
This is what it’s like to be alive
To feel alive
Every day I’ve lived has gone away
Today’s like a dream that isn’t over
Or a visiting ship
I guess I should still plan for my old age
I should pick up a second language
Just incase I really need to go away
Some day

I could just say I’m out on vacation
I am on holiday
My outgoing message will say
I’m out on stay
I could just give living another name
I could just give it another name
Practice vagrancy
Cause last year I would’ve called it an emergency

And after reading her poetry
And “Finding Ground” in Constellations I felt not weakened by the world

And the view of my life from an aeroplane I thought, I thought